Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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