did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Randomize
