I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
