I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
