Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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