Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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