I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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