Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
