I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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