i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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