I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
