All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
