Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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