I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
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