The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
