no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Randomize
