I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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