I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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