Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
