And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
