Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Randomize
