so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
