Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
