You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
