Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
