So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
