I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
