K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
