I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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