i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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