never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
