I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
