dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
