Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
