I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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