yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
