are you so shy because you have an std?
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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