You just made me feel so damn special
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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