does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
