Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
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