When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
it's like iHOP with fire
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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