Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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