we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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