She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
