This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Randomize
