I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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