This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
