Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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