xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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