I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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