speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
We’re leaving where are you
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