I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
